I always felt different. Instead of joining the Legally Blonde hair debate with suburban Ashley, I found myself eyeing another table across the lunch hall. Their carefully braided hair, their swag, their music, and their speech – so unpretentious. They grew up with single moms, their dads were in prison, and they knew the rough life. I felt exactly like them – I had just been born in the wrong skin.

I felt, therefore I was. I was black. Finally, it all made sense.

I was proud when I received my admissions letter to Harvard. They invited me to the Black Students Association, probably because I had ticked the “Black” box under “Ethnicity”. I was grateful that Harvard was so inclusive. My sophomore year, I ran for club President, but no one voted for me. They called my candidacy distasteful, and told me that I would never belong.

How dare they be so offensive. I was furious. Until, I realized that they had been brainwashed, by society - that’s why they couldn’t accept my blackness. Racists.

A Tibetan woman helped me heal. She told me stories of her people’s compassionate nature. Unlike Westerners, they believe that all living beings are of equal worth. Accept everyone. It all resonated with me. So, I meditated. I studied their history of oppression. Tibetans want peace and internal freedom, but are punished for who they are. I felt exactly like them – I had just been born in the wrong location.

I felt, therefore I was. I was Tibetan. Finally, it all made sense.

I returned to my roots in Tibet and took refuge at a shelter that offered my people protection from persecution. I demanded food and housing, but they refused. They accused me of taking advantage of their generosity. How dare they discriminate – all I asked for was equal treatment, as was my right. But even the Tibetans were brainwashed – that’s why they couldn’t accept my heritage. Nazis.

I volunteered at a children’s community center as part of my recovery, and those young souls became family to me. So pure and kind, with an innocence so enticing that I often mistook it for my own. Their playful minds and infectious laughter gave me life again. We instinctively understood each other. I felt exactly like them – I had just been born in the wrong decade.

I felt, therefore I was. I was a child. 12 years old, to be exact. Finally, it all made sense.

So, I applied to middle school, but was denied entry. How dare they. Luckily, I had the support of Adam, a boy from the center. We started dating and fell in love. When I became pregnant, I was suspected of sexual assault. But Adam was 15 years old, 3 years my senior – if anything, he was the predator and I was the victim. I wasn’t even of age to legally consent to sex! The world was all backwards. As it turns out, they were all brainwashed. That’s why they couldn’t accept my age. Ageists.

Society simply wasn’t ready for me.

Despite my revelations, a sense of unease still resided within me – as it always had. So, I searched for answers, and encountered boys and men who were trapped by their biology. I hadn’t realized that was possible, but I could relate to every word. I was also trapped in life. I felt exactly like them – I had been born in the wrong body.

I felt, therefore I was. I was a boy. Finally, it all made sense.

Socially, it was challenging, although I heard it was worse for the women. When they went swimming, mothers would scold them for showering with their exposed genitals hanging next to school girls. But we are not the problem - the mothers are. Even the law says so. If they are too ignorant to see gender for what it is, they should be the ones leaving.

I soon joined the equal rights movement. Publicly, we were praised for our bravery - media allowed nothing else. Politically, we were role models. Kindergarten children were taught that their feelings determine their gender. They are still moldable at that age – grab them young and teach them right, we must save them from brainwashing. It is our duty to support their chosen gender, so that we can intervene as early as possible with hormone treatment. It will spare them from the peril of self-questioning later on.

There was some hope for society after all.

But, we are complex beings – me, in particular. When I went to the Doctor’s office, I saw a box with “They/Them”. I hadn’t realized that was possible, but it made even more sense - anything seemed possible now. After some feeling, I ticked the box.

I felt, therefore I was - “I” was “we”. We are neither girls nor boys, neither women nor men - we’re people. Finally, it all made sense.

Celebrities declared new pronouns, and politicians soon followed. Media headed our mission. CNN instructed you how to refer to us right, and how to apologize if you messed up, and The Guardian insightfully explained how “[e]xposure is key. Keep using they/them, and soon it will feel normal. That’s the aim.”

Whose aim? We were never told. But journalists swear by impartiality and the free exchange of ideas, and their allegiance is to the public – hence, their wish is our command. With their help, our spokespersons were soon voted into public office, despite lacking relevant experience. Identity prevails – as it should.

Finally, society is on the right track. It is only a matter of time before you all conform.

We tell our story because we want to help you, but most of you folks are uneducated and, quite frankly, too stupid to understand reality. So, we’ll spell it out for you in simple terms:

Your feelings determine your gender and pronouns. Your birth sex is irrelevant, and so are your chromosomes, your genitals, and your hormones. Although – they are relevant, that’s why we help you change them.

Your feelings determine your race, nationality, and birth year. The color of your skin, your heritage, and your age are just melanin, geography, and numbers. It’s all biological and physical, just as irrelevant as your chromosomes. If you place any value on them, you are a racist, Nazi, and ageist. But, don’t you dare refer to us wrong – “they/them, black, Tibetan, 12-year-old” – or you are equally wicked.

Don’t define others. But define us – correctly. Keep up. Change your definition of words. Use only those words. Until they are offensive. Then change the word for the definition. Words mean everything and nothing.

We are all of equal worth. Accept everyone. Except those who question the definition game. Particularly those who question the definition and merit of identity. They are unworthy, inferior, and unacceptable.

They must be censured, prosecuted even. You need us in power because only we can protect you people from brainwashed ideals and teach you the truth. If you are too brainwashed to learn, just trust us, we will pressure you to believe it anyway. For the rest, praise free speech. As long as you don’t offend us.

If you call us a white, Swedish, 30-year-old woman, think again. Labels exist only to divide and discriminate, you scum.

But, remember, we are black, Tibetan, 12-year-old people. Rest assured – within our lifetime, you will all have forgotten what used to be.

Lovisa Tengberg
Social commentator and critic. BA in Philosophy from Harvard University and MBA from Harvard Business School.